When too much is just TOO MUCH...

It seems like I am just living my life from one milestone or deadline until the next. I continue to say, “If I can just get past…” Fill in the blank on the event! First it was Project Graduation fundraising… then it was Kristen’s high school graduation… then it was Project Graduation… then it was getting Brian shipped off to boot camp… then it was getting Kristen to Chattanooga for Freshman Orientation… then it was dealing with and getting through a death in the family...

NOW, it’s my second c-spine surgery. I found out yesterday that I pretty much have to have a second surgery to fix the other disc that’s causing me so much pain. My other neurosurgeon knew it was “damaged” when he fixed the first one, but he wouldn’t “fix” both of them because he said he couldn’t in good conscience do preventative maintenance on my spine. The reason I wanted both done at the same time is because when you remove/replace a disc and fuse the bone, it puts extra pressure on the discs above and below it. Well, my argument was if you know the disc is already “damaged” and you know there’s going to be extra pressure put on it, wouldn’t it make more sense to just fix them both? Actually, my current neurosurgeon agrees with me, but what was done is done. This one is going to be more complicated and a lot more risky. They will have to deal with obvious scar tissue and they will have to remove the plate that’s in there now in order to fix the current problem. I’m scared. I’m not gonna lie. But I live in so much constant pain that I guess I just really don’t have a lot to lose. My doctor won’t guarantee me the pain will go away, but we can pray (so please do!!). Sometimes the pain does go away, and sometimes it doesn’t. My real hope is that it will because at first after my first surgery, I had a lot of pain relief. It didn’t ALL go away (because I have scoliosis), but it was tremendously better! I got through the day taking Advil or Aleve rather than prescription pain killers and sometimes NOTHING AT ALL!! If I can get back to THAT point, maybe I will be ME again!!! The OLD ME!!!! The ME that had energy to burn and was active and thin! :}

Before I do all this though, I’ve got a lot to get done… I have to work tomorrow (Saturday) to rebuild a communications server and Sunday to do a network audit and revise security scripts. I’ve got a TON of things to do before next Monday, but after I get past the surgery…

To be continued… =}

Oh! And I found my son in this picture that was on the USCG Blog!!! If you blow up the picture, he's in the row closest to the wall, almost right under the clock. He's behind the really tall guy. Brian has his head tilted - sort of like he's looking over the other guy's shoulder.

Semper Paratus!